27 March, 2009

An Open Letter

Dear Fellow Apartment Complex Residents,

I hope you enjoy the pool outside my window. It is very well-maintained and set in a lovely sunny spot, to be sure. The pool furniture is even mostly of this decade, which is an improvement over most apartment pools. It is clearly a lovely spot to take your kids after school, or on a weekend afternoon. However, I would like to take this opportunity to remind you of a few things.
First, the pool hours are until ten at night. This is not a suggested time, as we are grown-ups and are in bed by ten most nights. Also, the nice French-speaking people upstairs have a toddler who needs his sleep, or NO ONE sleeps. Not even us. So please, out by ten.
On a related note, the pool does not open again until nine in the morning, and this includes weekends. When your children wake you up at 6am on Saturday, please refrain from sending them down to the pool to scream. You bore them, now you have to bear them.
On another related note, if your children are screaming at the pool, take them home. If you are not there supervising them, I will seriously consider calling the police because I am tired unto death of having to yell out my window at children who are trying to a) drown one another or b) kill themselves by running around the pool.
Second - or possibly fourth - please do not have sex in the pool. Please. This relates intimately (har!) to point number three (or five):
We, of apartment six, can hear everything you say and do at the pool. Every. Little. Thing. We apologize for the inconvenience to your no-longer-private conversations, but the builders saw fit to give us single-paned windows and it's not our fault. So all those sweet nothings you drunk teenagers are whispering to one another, all those drug deals, all those midnight swims? We can hear them. Or witness them.

Thank you for your attention, and have a lovely summer! If you don't, we'll know about it.
Tikabelle and ManCandy


  1. Dude. We used to live above a pool that hosted 7 am swim meets on Saturdays with a lifeguard whistle and overenthusiastic screaming sections. And this was when we had a colicky baby.

    I can relate so much that, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a few nightmares.

  2. Hahahaha, that was a great letter!!

  3. I think you should post your open letter in the laundry room. Just an idea.

  4. I think you should post your letter to management! How's a girl supposed to knit when she's listening to screaming (whether child or sex induced!)????

  5. Ewwww sex in the pool! (;

    I totally agree with the others, post it!

  6. We had a similar problem at our old complex, except that there was a "children under 16 are required to be supervised rule".

    Niki took care of the in-the-pool/sex-in-the-pool issue, by barking out the window and drawing our attention to it. Evidently, our neighbors weren't exhibitionists, and when we came up to see what he was barking at, they'd get dressed and leave.

  7. Who needs television when you live next to a pool? :)