30 October, 2008

Whom Do You Love?

SAN JOSE, CA - Knitters across America were shocked to discover on November 5 that their brother and sister knitters in California are no longer allowed to get married, and that all marriages between two knitters were dissolved. 
"It's startling and unfair," said Jasmin C., 26, of San Jose. "Just because my partner and I choose this lifestyle doesn't mean I'm less than a person." 
"I don't know how this happened," said one knitter who asked not to be identified. "Our pastimes don't harm anyone  - if you don't count sitting on the occasional double-pointed needle - and knitters are often good members of society in many ways. We shop locally and tend to give to charity more than other groups." 
Supporters of the ban say that knitters are "more than welcome to marry non-knitters," said Erick F., 25, San Jose. "They're always showing off their socks and shoving their yarn in people's faces. If they would just stick to video games like the rest of society, we wouldn't have to take away their human rights - or rather, their privileges. If they choose to be knitters, then they've also made the choice not to get married to one another. It's as simple as that." Other interviewees who also asked not to be identified cited knitting as a choice and their disgust at the idea of knitting being taught in schools as the reason they supported the ban. 


  1. (Great piece!) That Jasmin C. sounds like a real piece of work. DEVIANT!

  2. Wow...those knitters sound like...like...well, they're cool! Ya know, if people want to get married (and I'm not necessarily condoning marriage. After all, I've been married 3 times!) they should all be equally able to enter into the shackles. No matter who they are or what they think or sexual preference or religion (don't get me started on that subject)... NO ON 8.